'Eenie Meanie' is a Mild Drive

Here's another thriller that's indistinguishable from others in its genre. Eenie Meanie is one of those streaming platform movies that will likely not be remembered ten years from now, let alone on the day it is released. It's not a bad film, just a really mediocre one. In fact, it takes a page from Charlie Kaufman's Adaptation, where it ultimately prevails. At least depending on who you ask. Most of the picture employs the usual thriller techniques, combined with character analysis of a protagonist whose casting seems unconvincing. It's a common Hollywood trope where the gorgeous A-lister is cast as a character who has had a difficult life. That's not to say attractive people don't have their hardships, but in this role, this often? Come on, man.

If you were to watch the previews for this movie, you would assume it's a gender-swapped version of Baby Driver. There's even a character in the film named Baby Girl (Kyanna Simone). The story is about a young woman with a lead foot who knows how to dodge the cops. One day, our protagonist, Edie (Samara Weaving), has to dig her loser boyfriend out of another mess that puts his life in danger. To save him, Edie acts as a getaway driver for a heist at a casino. If she fails her mission, Nico (Andy Garcia) will kill her hubby, John (Karl Glusman). The premise is similar to Edgar Wright's Baby Driver, but Eenie Meanie is a bit deeper. If only the casting and writing felt more meaningful.

We're supposed to believe that Samara Weaving (who looks like a supermodel) is supposed to be this screwed up girl who can't dig herself out of the crappy life she was born into. I'm not buying it. The filmmakers could have given Samara a gross haircut and no makeup, but Weaving isn't provided that treatment. Her performance gets the job done, but just barely. It's good acting. She can express a lot with her face and cry when needed. Yet it's not enough to transcend. To make matters worse, Edie spends a huge chunk of the time with John, who's insufferable to watch.

Whenever John's on screen, the temptation to fast-forward mounts. Why are there so many movies starring junkies in big roles? I've seen three of them already this year, and with the exception of one, these lowlifes are never easy to watch. Mostly because they're intentionally annoying, which doesn't make the character's irritation any less painful for the audience. John is a man-child who doesn't know how to grow up. His lack of social awareness and common sense is a bottomless pit of despair that's dragging Edie down with him. The whole time, you'll be wondering why a girl like her would tag along with an idiot like him. When we find out how they met, we realize why, but it still doesn't take away the fact that I wanted John to chew on a bullet.

For an action-driven picture, the action is not particularly impressive, which is probably why the movie is available on streaming. With today's lightweight cameras, it's curious why movies like this wouldn't try harder to up the ante. Hulu is advertising that this is a wild ride, so why not deliver on the few action sequences that the film is marketed on?

As Brian Cox says to Nicholas Cage in Adaptation, "Win them in the end and you've got a hit." The part Charlie Kaufman forgot to include in his screenplay was how much to win the audience over. The final twenty minutes of Eenie Meanie redeems much of the time spent with John and brings Edie's character full circle. Even with its gratifying finale, the last twenty minutes should have arrived much sooner in the picture, especially if writer/director Shawn Simmons doesn't want to just write the same old story about neglected children who turn to a life of crime. There are a couple of shock kills that are genuinely funny; however, the movie's tone is inconsistent. It's as if Simmons didn't know what mood he wanted his story to have, so he mixes drama, comedy, and action in a blender that delivers a bland drink.

Eenie Meanie will be available on Hulu on Friday, August 22