'If I Had Legs I'd Kick You' Is an Emotional Kick In the Gut
If you think a movie co-starring Conan O'Brien is going to be funny, then you'll kick yourself for not taking the synopsis seriously. If I Had Legs I'd Kick You is a mournful movie that barely gasps for air in a hypnotic essay about depression. If you don't want to see that kind of movie, it would be hard to find many people who could blame you. The film is not an easy flick to sit through. The protagonist, Linda (Rose Byrne), is caring yet selfish. She knows that her daughter is very ill. Yet she chooses to drown her problems while also functioning at her job and maintaining care of her child. She's not a functioning alcoholic, just a caring one.
Linda's actions aren't acceptable. Yet she's not neglectful. She's more complicated than the stereotypical character who drinks and lashes out at everyone. Many addicts need the substance to repress their emotions, accepting that the world around them is crumbling. Linda lives in a motel. She's divorced from her husband, who seems more occupied with yelling at Linda over the phone while heading to the ballgame than actually helping her. Linda seems to be all alone. Where are her parents? Have they neglected her, too? Many of us are alone with no one to talk to.
The mental health professionals are there, but how helpful are they really? Linda's Therapist (Conan O'Brien) can only be helpful to the extent that therapists are allowed to keep their boundaries not only by avoiding erotic transference but also by keeping a relationship between paid professional and client. The therapist is cold, offering advice that anyone on the street could give, when the answer is more complicated than the therapist wishes to disclose. The casting of Conan O'Brien pays off as more than being a funny man doing drama stunt casting. O'Brien has a likable persona, being one of the last rare professionals in the talk show industry who can conduct an interview without coming off like he's just reading the cards.
O'Brien was never afraid to mock his guests without towing an offensive line. In this film, Conan doesn't play any theatrics. He's subdued, yet still has a distinct persona. At one point, Conan reveals he's more than just a shell of a person when he takes a semi-legal bound of assistance to aid Linda during an emergency. But not after waiting to finish with a patient first. The movie is shrouded in misery and despair, yet it earns its optimistic ending by avoiding melodrama.
This film has changed my mind about Rose Byrne as an actress. For years, I thought she simply came across as stilted. Not only does Roe Byrne give a spectacular portrayal of pain, but also one of the best performances of the year. Bynre's face is tortured, yet she keeps her composure. It's a performance where we're waiting for the character to erupt, but she never does. Her face says everything, and she plays a character who could have been a completely reprehensible person, yet remains relatable.
It's not just the performances, but the direction that also excels. We never see Linda's daughter. Writer/Director Mary Bronstein refrains from having that emotional connection, depicting Linda's downward spiral. It's not done carelessly just to be creative for its own sake. There's an intention behind it. It's about how sometimes there's no help for the helpless, yet at the end of that tunnel, there is light. If I Had Legs I'd Kick You is a film for those in despair who feel like nobody is listening to them, when there are movies like this one out there that can hear them loud and clear.
If I Had Legs I’d Kick You premieres on Friday, October 17th (Chicago/Expansion), with Friday, October 24th for a wide release.
